just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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