just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
