How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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