We need to rekindle our bromance
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
