It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
