i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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