are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
