if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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