They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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