She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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