Pants 0. Shit 1.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
