I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
