im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
