i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
