your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
