Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
