What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
