You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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