I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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