guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
