how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
