Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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