My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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