my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
