everyone is single if you try hard enough
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
