Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
