I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
God, you're like boner-b-gone
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
COCAINE IS GR8
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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