Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize