sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
