I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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