he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
