oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
