I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ketchup is God's man juice
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
