ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
