my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
