i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's never too late to be topless.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
