I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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