ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
