Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We got so high we made milksteak
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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