what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
