My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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