Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
