you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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