thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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