toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
