dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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