This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
pray to the hookup gods
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
