I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
