Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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