Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
