I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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