i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
