Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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